Today we offer a powerful message of guidance from Jeanne in response to a question that Chuck asks. No matter what journey we are on, whether we are parents or solo journeyers, whether we are young or old, stuck or flowing, what she says is profoundly important. First Chuck’s question is posed, related to the blog he wrote the other day regarding some personal events, which you can read here, but really it’s a question for all of us who struggle, and then comes Jeanne’s response. Asked and offered most humbly, from all of us, Chuck, Jan, and Jeanne.
As you are well aware, the sons we bore, in your life as Jeanne Marie Ketchel, are deeply challenged by their choices in this life. Most recently this resulted in near death for one of them and criminal confinement for the other. Given the public nature of their recent actions, I offered a commentary on their journeys in my blog, believing that their processes may be relevant to the greater journey of our time.
You live now beyond the sheaths of the human form, yet continue to watch over and guide seekers in this life. What message might you offer—from your perspective beyond the loyalty and emotion of human attachment—for all who struggle to discern their responsibility for the lives of others, particularly those closest to them?
Jeanne responds: In all humbleness, and with great appreciation for the journeys that must be taken, I reply. Here follows my answer to your question:
There is great pressure now upon that earth for all to conform to a new idea of growth. This growth is not concerned with need or desire but only with an awakening to the greater meaning of life, as well as to the state of the world, a state largely brought about by the naiveté of the human population. Something has gone awry, and that something is a deep disconnect, a severing of ties with the spiritual self. Far more important has become the rational and the physical self, the desire body and the impassionate self-serving needs of the human body.
I do not blame or fault, but, in my assessment, this is a dire situation. In reality, however, it is in such times of dire circumstance that change happens. As specifically regards the sons we bore, their time has not yet come to advance, though they struggle at the very door of change. In my detachment I am offered the greater picture, the iconic image of the struggles of the human being to accept its place in the physical world, while simultaneously struggling to embrace its spiritual nature, its truth that it does not really belong there. In other words, the spirit self knows that life upon that earth is not the only thing, yet the human self adheres to it like glue, as if nothing else matters.
In truth, all must face the struggles of these two selves, and so as you, My Dearest Chuck, face the struggles of our two sons, so must you allow them to have their experiences, just as you have had your own. You know from your own life that your struggles have advanced you. This is what all must take into consideration as they face the judgments that arise regarding the decisions of others, for surely judgments arise.
Is it right to judge another, to decide that they are doing life wrong? According to whom are they doing life wrong? No one lives wrongly. No one is really making mistakes. No one should be judged for decisions they make and the situations they find themselves in. Yet, to step back and be compassionately nonjudgmental is one of the most terrifying and necessary moments in life. Especially, when looking into the faces of one’s children, one must look with openness, with open heart and open mind, and say: “Look at you, taking your journey, as I once took mine! Look at you!”
Outside of the physical pain lies another pain, the pain of emotional detachment, the most necessary detachment, the most necessary suffering of mature beings. For yes, even as those of you who have children must stand by and watch and suffer, so must you challenge yourselves to do as you request of others. You must evolve to a new level of freedom for the self and others by releasing judgments and emotional attachments, for the idea that you can control, or really even guide another, is quite absurd. I say that with all love and compassion, for I understand the role of parents and others who must stand by while seeing so clearly the futility of such struggles. But the truth is that no one can teach another, for lessons in life come only through experience.
Remember always that everyone learns in their own personal manner and an awakening, a knock over the head for one person, may be nothing more than an annoyance for another.
Value your own process now even as you look upon the processes of others. Know, all of you, My Dear Readers, that in the struggles of others reside your own struggles. Know that the compassion and concern and worry that you direct outwardly should be turned inwardly. Know that even as you intuit devastation and decline for others, so must you take that knowing inwardly. You must face what lies in your own future if you do not face your own struggles, both as they manifest outwardly and as they manifest inwardly in the physical and psychological pain that you suffer as a result of your life, mirrored by the lives of those closest to you.
No one can live another’s life. No one can learn the lessons that another must learn. No one can make the decisions that another must make. To aid too much is to inhibit growth, and so I advise compassionate detachment in the face of outer turmoil. Will you heed my advice? I know, as I have said, that no one can really help another, yet I remain committed to my assignment as guide and helper, just as you each do upon that earth, as adults, parents, and teachers. And so, from my perspective as a being no longer in human form, I advise that you seek this perspective of compassionate detachment as well. For all of you, though you exist in human form, are fully capable of accessing a higher state of being.
Within the body self lies all you need. Your core self awaits your recognition. No one is a superior being, yet in the reality of a spiritual self, all are superior beings. At the same time, no one is a lesser being, no one is a damaged being, no one deserves pity or fear, no one deserves more or less compassion than another.
Allow, My Dearest Chuck, and All of My Readers, life to unfold as it must, for the key to all of this struggling that you carry within your heart is the greater awareness that struggle is necessary for change to happen. If the seed did not have to struggle through the darkness of the earth to break open there would be no flower reaching for the sunlight.
Let the seeds lie upon the ground where they have fallen. Let them become the men and women they struggle to become on their own. Let their decisions take them to their next challenge. Let their circumstances crack their outer shells, so that roots and sprouts may occur, for it is only in the cracking that this will occur.
Life, even in the form of solid rock, evolves as it wears down and changes shape, as it rolls and rattles about in water and wind, being sculpted by the turmoil of nature’s energy. Realize that the human being is only but another object in the turmoil of life’s energies. Tossed and jostled about, in meeting life head on, all that is offered will turn each one of you into new beings.
Even as a stone may one day stand as the cornerstone to a new structure, so must you carry in your hearts the knowledge that each human being will one day evolve into their own cornerstone. But this, for the most part, will only happen through discovering that the cornerstone one seeks is within, not without.
I ask, as you struggle with those closest to you, as you struggle to understand them and their choices, to drop all notion of helping. Take the small stones you carry in your pockets, the memories and knowledge of them as tender children full of potential, and lay them at the alter of life. They are showing you that they are, in fact, ready to more fully engage life now, for in their very struggles does life exist, pushing them now like you never could. They will certainly pay attention to life, though they may still resist you and your advice! Let life become their mother and father now. Let life, full force, carry them where they need to go.
I cannot do more than guide you to detachment. The struggles to achieve a place of compassionate loving detachment are your own. But I do wish to impart that life is not just what you observe and experience in your human form, but a most vital energy shared by all beings. Remember that even as you feel your own powerful life force, so does everyone else.
Awakenings come in many forms and to each person their awakening is appropriate. Even the awakening of death is not to be despaired or attached to beyond loving appreciation for life lived, because the one who has died has evolved to a new level, awakened to new life.
Hold your loved ones tenderly, and tenderly let them go when the time for their own maturity arrives. They let you know in their turning away from you, in their decision making, that they are ready to take on life on their own terms. You cannot outline or plan the life of another, so please step back from attempting to do so. Stand back in awe instead and watch them go into life, fully loaded with all that you once gave them, energized by your continued support in the form of powerfully positive intent that they go live their lives to the fullest.
Detach from worry about others and you release them. Detach from fear for others and you release them of your fears, as well as release them to discover, face, and conquer their own fears. Detach from controlling others and let them discover the seeds of their own intent.
Life wants to live. Let life have its intent realized to the fullest by standing aside. Let the seed sprout, let the stone roll, let the winds blow, let the waters flow. Do not stand in the way of life, and notice—as you step back and out of the lives of others, as you let them seek maturity and responsibility for themselves—how your own life begins to evolve at a quicker pace. In releasing comes release of new energy.
You are not responsible for the lives of others. Once your parenting is done, once the early years are over, the child must grow up. That can only happen by that child becoming fully responsible for its own life. One day you, and it, will realize it is an adult and fully responsible for itself. Then it will discover not only its power, but its passion as well.
The role of the parent is a difficult one, but it is no more challenging than the role of each individual to separate from the past and move on unencumbered by life to a new level of existence, energetically freed and energetically alive in a new way. It is the goal of each one of you, to evolve on your own terms. Good Luck!