Today, a Reader asks Jeanne a question about recapitulation.
I was wondering if you would continue clarifying the recapitulation process. I recently watched the film, “The Ripple Effect,” which was recommended by Jan and Chuck, and found that it very much reminded me of my own feelings of being stuck in certain areas of my life, which I can clearly connect to a situation that I have repeatedly faced, involving a relationship over several years. Each time that I have been drawn back to this relationship I have been able to recognize and acknowledge insights into childhood events and past family and other relationships, which I feel have shed a great deal of light for my self understanding. Since learning about recapitulation, I identify this as a recapitulation process. Each time I have a new insight, I think that perhaps this new understanding will assist me in learning balance around this situation and losing the emotional charge that is attached to it, and thus “free me” to be become “unstuck”. I always tell myself that my response will be different when, inevitably, the situation resurfaces months or even years later. However, so far, in reviewing how the pattern has played out over the years, each time is not that different, although my insights seem deeper. Could you please help me understand “resistance” at being drawn into a situation that I intellectually understand as destructive vs. “acquiescence” to my journey? I must say that often your messages describing the general weather of upcoming recapitulation energy frequently coincides with the re-emergence of the situation.
Thank you so much for your very helpful guidance.
My Dearest Reader, the condition you describe is circumstantially present in many different situations, not only relationships, but in addictions, habits, behaviors, and overall in areas of stuckness. Often are these circumstances deeply rooted in the body, the physical body, but also the mental body, rather than in the spirit self.
How often do you need to play out certain habits of behavior and patterns of being stuck? How many times do you need to abuse your sensitive self? How many times must you confront your issues before you relinquish them? All of these wonderings may be quite individual as well as universal. The answers may pertain to your own circumstances and your own process, but I can tell you this: that you must not be done with some aspects of recapitulation and/or you may not have fully woken up to the truths of the self if you are repeatedly confronted and drawn in to a situation.
Why DO you continue to find your self sleepwalking the same path? Why DO you meet the same faces over and over again? Are you indeed acquiescing to your journey as you walk in circles? Or have you gotten into a rut, the walls of which just climb higher and higher as you trudge along in waking sleep?
Have you indeed no resistance to this situation that you describe? Perhaps there remain instances of past self that still must be recapitulated as you confront this prospect over and over again. I find that often when one is stuck, so is there something being shown repeatedly, yet are you not quite getting it, noticing it, or ready to accept it.
I suggest that you take a look at the bare truths that are revealed to you in this relationship that you speak of. Your intellectual prowess is fully attuned and capable of processing what you have learned thus far. Then I suggest that you determine what draws you back. Find what in the relationship repeatedly draws you back, and then turn those determinants upon the self. Where are you, My Dear Reader, missing these aspects of self? Where do they hide in you? Why do you not allow them to become apparent, revealed, and accepted in the self?
Your recapitulation process is not simply done once and then forgotten. As you see in this situation, are you offered the opportunity to recapitulate over and over again, throughout your life, and often with the same issue, as you describe here. This may be your ultimate issue in this lifetime, My Dear Reader, to understand and work out the considerable aspects of relationship, not only in your love life, but also in your evolutionary life. For you hold within you old hopes, perhaps for many lives, that are not conducive to evolving in a changing world.
Your question is more a question about acceptance of truths being revealed and truths awakening within. Why do you really continue to be drawn to this relationship? Why do you lose your grasp on reality as you get drawn in? What happens to your centered, balanced self as you confront this prospect of relationship?
Look at your child self. Who is that child yearning for as this person appears before you? That is where your answer may lie. For until the child self is totally reconciled with and accepted as perfectly capable of taking the journey with you, so must you revisit and reacquaint your self with the buried needs of that child. You must visit the child self quite often during recapitulation. That is where you must go with your magnetic attraction at the prospect of renewed connection within this relationship that does not fulfill you, as has been shown, but simply confuses you.
Turn the mirror upon the self, but also turn the magnet to your self as well. Allow its strong pull to tug out of you your deepest issues, your deepest wounds, and your deepest desires that wish to cling to this relationship. You do want so much more in life than to simply repeat what has already been done, that I can see. But you must, My Dear, determine why you carry still remnants and filaments of connection to a relationship that does not reflect true maturity of relationship, but only your inner child’s deepest desire for growth and expression. Your inner child asks for a platform of acknowledgment and expression during each recapitulation cycle.
You have already acquiesced to your journey. You do the work of the self quite nicely. But you must not be afraid to wake up the child self and allow truths to be spoken. These truths may hurt, but they will not harm you. These truths may surprise you, but they will not overwhelm you. These truths may alert you to aspects of the self that you find intolerable, shameful, or even despicable, but they will not destroy your love of self. For underneath all the veils, the covers, the remnants and filaments of experiences, of memories, and of destructive habits and behaviors lies your purity, your innocence, and your own abilities to not only forgive, but to accept your life process as totally right and necessary for you, and for you to evolve.
Turn always your mirror on the self, My Dear One, until there is nothing left to see in it. Then will you understand fully the process of recapitulation, forgiveness, acquiescence to your journey. But you will also understand the depths of the self and what you are capable of, including true love of the self, in all aspects.
Perhaps this answer may aid you as you journey on. Perhaps you may still wonder why, why, why. But I guarantee that if you continually turn the mirror to the self you will discover the meaning for every experience in your life. And it will be a day of glorious understanding of self when you do. It will not be an intellectual understanding, but a full body, full spirit understanding, and that is what you now must seek. Turn inward to your body, to your inner child self. There lie all truths, all reasons, all experiences. There lies your recapitulation, your acquiescence to the evolutionary journey, waiting to be spoken, revealed, accepted, and let free, so that you may carry on in this life with a new outlook, with eyes on the future, rather than the past, with open heart, eager for the new light to come, as each new person who enters your life reveals a new truth to you.
Look forward to recapitulation as a process of growth into light, rather than as a place of darkness. Accept it as awe-inspiring, as a new direction, rather than turning back in an old direction. Turn to the light now, even as you find your self drawn back. The energy is really asking you to go innerly with a new flashlight, rather than the old dark ideas of the self. Turn your self inside out, if you have to. That may be the way to reveal what you carry inside you. Shine that new light into every crevice and pocket for the final answers in those old hiding places, those old relationships, and those old pockets of self. Good Luck!