This response references Message #362
Channeled on August 15, 2008
Dear Jan and Chuck,
As always, thank you for the love I feel every time I ask a question and receive guidance.
I would like to respond to Jeanne’s answer to my question. It offers a good dose of tough love and is just what I need to hear. I am stubborn, and a good kick in the pants is a good way to get me going.
As I take in a deep sigh, I am willing to let a part of myself be exposed in order to help myself and maybe others who are feeling the way I have been feeling most of my life. In regards to control of my body, and in turn my spirit, I have “stuffed it, or starved it” for many years. I don’t know how to be comfortably “full”. When I let go and flow with the energy, the feelings of pure joy and love overtake me and then I want to “stuff” myself so blindly until I am SO FULL that the process of “starving” myself soon begins. As I become obsessed with the process of “starving” myself, I feel a deep sense of control (false of course), but I also feel powerful. The “starvation” starts to take over, and in the giving in I “stuff” myself again, losing sight of everyone and everything in my life.
In the process of starving and stuffing, my spirit cries out, I ignore it, and in turn I beat it down, which brings on feelings of guilt, and the process starts over again. Then I cannot forgive myself because I feel not worthy of all the gifts I have been given in life. I do the outside work, but fail to let it in.
This is, as Jeanne points out, no longer serving my spirit, or my physical body. In recognizing this, and looking at it with innocent eyes, I am coming out of the denial. But I fear that these feelings of relief will also create the “stuffing and starving” pattern that I know so well. This is my dilemma, and I am sure the dilemma of many people, as taking care of our physical bodies requires us to feel and move through the discomfort and leave the control freak behind.
I deeply appreciate a place to come that feels safe, and full of LOVE (whether tough or not)…LOL
Love & Light,