Today, A Seeker asks a question.
Dear Jeanne,
I am struggling to accept that my soul chose a path of incest and abuse. Not only because it is so painful, but I cannot grasp how to view the perpetrator. If it is all planned beforehand, then is the abuser never held accountable? Should humanity not stop criminals, as it is all chosen? Of course I totally disagree with the previous statements, but it truly, truly does not make sense to me. I find it hard to believe that if someone had stopped my father from abusing me, it would have interfered with what I chose. I would most certainly stop someone from doing such things if I knew about it.
From what I have been told, these things may be premature for me to comprehend at this stage of my work. But I would love to have some clarity about this.
Thanks.
Yes, My Dear Reader, when you are ready will these things appear differently to your rational mind, which I see struggles greatly with evolutionary ideas, so far removed from the pain and intensely personal hurt of your situation.
In cases of criminal behavior, whether sexual abuse, incest, murder, or any act that intercepts the path of others, whether known or unknown to them, by evolutionary standards is no one ever freed to move on, unaccountable for their actions. There is no freedom in such cases. Everyone must and does pay, in some fashion, for the crimes they perpetrate upon others.
The only place of freedom must be within your self. You must allow your self the freedom of detachment from the perpetrator, in this case the father, in order to recapitulate your journey. You must find the aspects of the self that not only chose such a journey, but chose to confront you with your father in the role of your abuser, but also as your teacher. For he was both, My Dear, though I know that idea is far-fetched and totally unappealing to you at this point in your work.
I do not advocate that you approach him on the subject, for his own awareness is not keen enough to understand, nor factor in, any evolutionary path, such as you seek. His own path will present him with his actions, first in this lifetime, and then more fully in the next, as he seeks resolution for his decisions and choices made with you, his daughter. His choices affect you, and he is fully aware of this. His daughters are not given as play things, yet has his entire being been presented with beguiling enticements that perpetrated, within his journey, a path of deception, intrigue, and possession that he alone is responsible for.
Keep this in mind as you do your inner work. He is completely responsible for his actions with you and others. He is not your lover, your mate, your friend. Yet is he your greatest teacher, your master guide, and your leader along your rocky path. But he has left you along that path. He has deserted you; left you abandoned; forfeited his truth, and his tender love for you by leading you unsuspectingly, and wrongfully, along such a path. His own work haunts him. His decisions and choices do not sit quietly buried as you might suspect, for he hides and keeps himself buried in delusion and deceit.
These things you can have access to regarding him: know that he is punished continually for his actions, thoughts, deeds, plans, and for the many years of devastating activities that have led you along his path of choice, as his unwilling, unknowing, innocent partner. But he abandoned you along the path. Before he even took you one step along the way, did he remove his father self from the path. He took off his fatherly shoes, his fatherly socks, and walked upon the path in the feet of the monster of desire and deceit.
I do not tell you these things so that you may be enticed to feel sorry for this man, but instead for you to understand that he was not your father, but a possession of a monstrous sort. And that possession was a transmogrification*, an entity, a being who paraded in your father’s form, teaching both of you the ways of the world, both the seeing world, and the unseeing world.
So now you are a child in the arms of an entity, who has usurped another’s life in order to abuse? Is this what it was all about? No, not at all. It was far more complicated than that. Transmogrification can happen for many reasons, but always does it take place in order for learning. I myself have transmogrified, changed my shape, my energetic shape, in order to teach. But I have chosen to do so on the light side. I intend my energy only for good, and I use it only for good. As I learned to do this, so was I tested by the negative side, as there was always the possibility for that side to usurp my energy for its own purposes. This I was able to thwart, time and again; at each test gaining more awareness of the process; clarity of how to utilize my own powers of energetic intent; learning the ability to transform, transmogrify, and change, in order to be of aid to others.
So, this possession, this entity who parades as your father is your biological parent, but that is where the connection to reality of that world ends, and the world of the sorcerers begins. For in his own choice, to allow transmogrification to take place, did he enter the sorcerer’s world, where dangers lurk, but masters as well. And those masters are the ones who became your own teachers. You, My Dear One, have been learning from the Masters of the Dark Side, some of the greatest teachers in the universe.
We all had to and have to encounter them, as we learn evolutionary progress. As I explained above, I did also have to learn from them, both upon that Earth, and as I learned what it meant to truly evolve. The teachings are not necessarily pleasant, but the gains in growth of awareness are phenomenal.
So to return to now, to your specific situation, and to your questions. I would advise you, My Dear One, Skeptic and Doubter, Seeker and Spiritual Being, to follow now your own path. The transmogrified being is not in your presence, nor are his touches upon you. You are in a place of limbo, that land of uncertainty, struggling with the past and not quite fully aware of the future. But that limbo is your work area, your place of putting together all that you have experienced in the context of an evolutionary life. I believe that this concept of a life is not at all foreign or distasteful to you. I believe you seek fulfillment, you always have, though you also get lost in your whirlwind of decisive thoughts, your rational mind seeking to place the events in your life into compartments. But you have not as yet learned what those compartments should be labeled. You keep changing the labels, and that is a sign not of confusion, but of seeking for truth.
As you do this truth-seeking work that perpetrator’s life will disappear, further and further from your own awareness, as you discover the reasons for your own path. The journey that you are on will lead you to your work, your true life’s work, as a guide to others who have also taken such a journey. As a guide to those who do not understand why they hide from life and seek oblivion, as you also have done, and still do, in your obsessive and dismissive thoughts regarding growth and evolution.
I know that it is much easier to pin a label upon your man, your father, and call him evil lover, faithless father, criminal mind. But in the end will you find that another label will fit him perfectly well: evolutionary being, who struggles to gain awareness and clarity of his own deeds, and learns that the only means to salvation is through truly accepting and reliving his actions, in total responsibility. That is his journey.
Your journey will eventually evolve, from obsession with the journey you have thus far taken (and this is your recapitulation), to resolution, and finally to detachment from the ties that now bind you so forcefully still to this haunting situation, and to this man who so direly abused your innocence and your trust. And yes, if you are able, your duty to halt such perpetration upon an innocent being must be uppermost in your awareness. But not all are present enough or willing enough to confront such truths, for their own reasons. And to fault such behavior is to once again deny that each life leads to growth, and each being upon that planet is truly upon a journey that must be attended to. It is not your job to judge others for the choices they make, but to find your own path, and stick to it in spite of the hurt and the denials being spoken all around you.
You are now relearning what it means to trust a man. You are now relearning what it means to be innocent. You are now relearning what it means to take responsibility for the journey of the self. And even though you do not, at this point in your work, understand why your soul chose the path you have thus far lived, so will those questions resolve, as you continue along your evolutionary path.
A thoroughly lived life carries forth all the pain, bringing the inner hurts and the outer hurts forward. Bringing them in to the light of day, so that you may have the opportunity to examine them; with clarity spreading out before you, lighting all the pieces of your life, so that you may put them together in the intimate context of who you are NOW, in THIS life, able to clearly see what those pains have taught you about your self, and what they will mean in your future.
Your future bodes well for being actively involved in stopping such painful perpetration, by becoming involved in dealing, on some level, with the underworld, the dark side, that does inhabit people such as your father. You are tender now in your protection of the child, but the ultimate protection of the child comes in understanding the dark side, the propensity for foreign energy to take possession of those who are aware of its power, and make the choice to allow it to take over their journey. With a mix of awareness and desire for the power that such energy offers is such a choice made. Yet is there still resident acknowledgment of the other self, who gave up the struggle to stay in the light, on the side of good.
Why? Perhaps that is where your future will take you. Perhaps your fine mind and your adventuresome spirit will lead you to encounter this aspect in all beings upon that Earth. For all have to make a choice, at some point in life. And all are presented with the light and the dark. Why do some choose the dark? Are they but, as yet, unevolved? Do they desire the challenges of the battles they will undeniably be presented with? Or are they but weaklings, unwilling to fully take responsibility for their energy, lazily allowing themselves to be used, without thought or care for those they come in contact with? All of these propositions may be true, in any person you meet. Your future work may lie in deciphering the truth of these statements. You have the mind and the spirit capable of tackling such mysteries.
But for now, My Dear One, you are confronted with learning what it means to become fully aware of your own journey, to fully comprehend the meaning of it for you alone, without attachment to the others involved in it. For at this point, must you find YOUR truth. Only once you fully accept your past, the truth of it, can you fully accept responsibility for your future, but ultimately your present because that is where you live.
Each moment is your present, it is where you live, it is your NOW, and it must be sought out, as clearly as possible, as you live responsibly, fully aware that you are on a journey. And yes, you did make some choices ahead of time, but then you got confronted with things that you perhaps did not anticipate in full awareness. But once encountered did you act according to your soul’s journey, staying on the side of good, maintaining your powers of light, with your intent focused upon your spiritual path. In so doing did you not get drawn in to the dark side, as your father did. You maintained your integrity, your boundaries, un-invaded, though your body did suffer greatly in the battles you were led to fight. But you must stay firmly aware that you did not lose one battle, you remained a warrior child. And you continue to grow with that battle scarred body, and that powerful, winning spirit still leads you on.
Your work lies ahead of you, but you have opened the door once again to seeking clarity. And this clarity I speak of is not just clarity of what happened in the past, but it is also your seeking of spiritual clarity. Your inner desire to understand the spirit that drives you, and the energy that seeks to fully comprehend and understand what is truly meant by evolution, evolutionary growth, and an evolutionary journey.
So My Dear Warrior Woman, maintain your balance, but also maintain your awareness of your spiritual self who has pushed you far, to where you are now, being presented with mind-shifting ideas that you are fully capable of understanding. And you will aid your self greatly by trusting this amazing journey you are on, trusting that you chose the side of good a long time ago. You fought desperately and bravely to remain in that world of light, and you have already succeeded in that. You already won your battles. So accept that.
Now it’s all about learning. You, and many others in the world, are in this place of learning what it means to be an evolving being. You, and many others, continually seek clarity. Accept that this is who you are; and keep learning, keep trusting, and keep going. I await the results of your hard and determined work. You have amazing potential to really be a part of a changing world, to offer what you are learning to many, in the future. Your potential to change the world is unlimited. Good luck, My Dear One. You are safe. Trust the journey.
*Transmogrification as discussed in a previous message (Message #328) is defined as a change, a transformation, often to something grotesque, but can also refer to transforming into something delightful or humorous.