#465 Chuck’s Place: He Who Must be Obeyed

Welcome to Chuck’s Place, where Chuck Ketchel expresses his thoughts, insights, and experiences!

I allow myself to swim deep, very deep, beneath the veneer of now, into the essence. I refer to essence, like the Essenes, as getting to the physical basis of things.



Egg lies in wait.

Within its yoke is the material of every thing.

And yet, without the sperm, simply scratching the surface, does not creation begin.

Sperm is a surface-scratcher.

All women are eggs. They have it all; all the knowledge, all the materials, for every thing. And yet, something needs to set creation in motion. Deep inside, every woman knows this. She finds herself searching, waiting, awaiting. The scratch on the surface, whether feared or desired, is utterly necessary, to unfold, to progress, to create, to fulfill; this she knows. She is blessed with eternal nature at the helm; she is, after all, the channel of life. Animus, surface-scratcher, direction finder, where art thou?

Inwardly she doubts her ability to know. Truthfully, deep inside, is deep insecurity. Despite all the energy, all the material, the knowing of life, creation, sustenance, and continuation, she lies in doubt. Where is he, he who truly knows, he who will lead? It is he who must be obeyed.

I asked my daughter, Erica, age twenty, about the pop star singer, Rhianna, returning to her relationship with her boyfriend after he had severely beaten her. Erica’s response, “How do you know about her? She’s just being stupid, believing there is nothing else, no one else, falling for his lies.” My seasoned daughter has passed the first gate of animus awareness, no longer holding onto the belief that he is the only one, the one and only surface-scratcher for me. Desperation and blind faith are key factors prior to passing this gate. His overwhelming possessiveness, expressed in violence, is interpreted by Rhianna as representing her supreme value to him and his deep commitment to her. No amount of reasoning, expressed by well meaning onlookers, will dislodge a woman at this stage from returning to her abuser. Deep inside she knows she is desperate to remain attached to her utterly necessary director, for security and purpose. What she fails to see is that this vital surface-scratcher, buried deep within her self, has been projected and reflected onto an outer monster.

My daughter advises Rhianna to awaken. “He’s a phony! Wait, for the real thing.” This is certainly a big step. To be freed of the obsession that there is only one, opens the door to choice and other kinds of relationships. My Dear Erica, I acquiesce to experience as the true teacher in life. Would though, that it were not. Would that I could have you grasp that the surface-scratcher lies within. Nonetheless, the awareness that being possessed by a projected negative animus is not love is a major step forward to the second gate of animus awareness. At this second stage, a woman is free to allow herself a positive animus, meaning a healthier relationship, though she still continues to project her inner surface-scratcher upon the man.

A mature woman of any age, in a healthy relationship or not, is still prone to the projection of her vital core onto a man, whether in substance, the flesh, or in a ghostly lover, as yet unseen. For instance, in a relationship, the following questions should be posed: Who drives the car? Who determines the meals? Who selects the movies? Who decides the activities? Who initiates sex? Who makes the financial decisions? Who goes along? Who is the authority? Who determines the political identity? Who thinks? Who’s thinking is valued? Who decides to turn on the television and who decides what to watch? If the answer to any of those questions is you, a woman, since I am addressing women, is it coming from a place of security, deep knowing, and contentedness? Or is it coming from insecurity and deep control? In this case, the animus is still projected, despite the powerful woman. In the case of an apparently well-integrated, competent, and confident woman, who holds onto an inappropriate partner, why is she still with him? This is still indicative of a projected animus, true, a far cry from pop star Rhianna, but still a distant cousin. How many women, not in relationships, are waiting for the man to find meaning in their lives? Is finding the right man the true road to salvation?

The third gate of animus awareness is reached when a woman takes full possession of her inner man. This process is illustrated in Christianity, by Mary, Mother of God. Who was the real surface-scratcher during the Immaculate Conception of the Virgin Mary? Mary conceived without sex; and who did she bring forth, none other than the savior of the world. So, if Mary brought forth the savior without a man, who was the surface-scratcher? Imagine the irony that the Catholics, with all their male control that Meryl Streep so eloquently exposes in the recent film, Doubt, actually preserve a message more obvious than that of the da Vinci Code. And this is that the Immaculate Conception embodies the greatest embedded secret: Mary is her own surface-scratcher. What Mary demonstrates is that woman is her own surface-scratcher, and woman must scratch her own surface to birth her true salvation.

Yes, Dear Erica, the surface-scratcher, direction finder, meaning of life finder, lies within. The deepest challenge for woman is to find him, embrace him, trust him, join with him, evolve creation with him. And, yes, it is a him, a him in you.

I have experienced the projection of the surface-scratcher in my life, as recipient. Yes, I am susceptible to projections, but I have learned how to refuse the role. Now I’m too busy finding my own inner anima, my soul. I believe that in an ideal relationship, partners mirror each others’ soul projections, but neither partner accepts the burden of them. That is inner work.

If a woman does not take ownership of her inner soul, she will remain compulsively bound to her “man” for meaning, direction, and security in her life. I hear Janis Joplin painfully crying for One Good Man. Would that she had searched within, rather than settle for pain, the eternal embrace of unrequited love with the projected animus, the same altar that Billie Holiday and Bessie Smith, the blues ladies, sacrificed themselves upon. Perhaps Mary, with her immaculate conception, egg and sperm united as one, may serve as the true model of fulfillment in womanhood, not as a religious figure, but as a guide to wholeness.

As always, I am open to discussion or comment. Should anyone wish to write, I can be reached via email at: chuck@riverwalkerpress.com

Until we meet again,