Tag Archives: specialness

Chuck’s Place: Beyond Special

A warm heart indeed!
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

To be special warms the heart; to be special tears us apart. Why this contradiction?

Both Carlos Castaneda and his teacher, don Juan Matus, who’s lineage stemmed directly from the Shamans of Ancient Mexico, taught with both humour and piercing seriousness that the greatest scourge of humankind was the need to be special. They pointed to the internal dialogue we all experience that constantly judges everyone and everything, particularly the self, which is judged as either less than or better than everyone else.

From an adaptive perspective those shamans speculated that our ability to make these rapid judgements serves well our ability to survive as we navigate our predatory world. Less benevolently they point to the lion’s share of personal energy that all humans spend grooming and protecting their self importance. This energy is then lost to the evolving human potential, which to access requires a shutting down of the overarching investment we make in feeling and being judged as special.

And yet, feeling genuinely special is thought to be one of the most necessary prerequisites to feeling worthy enough to be in this world and to feeling secure enough to partake of its bountiful opportunities. Hence, the field of mental health places a premium on  attachment and the quality of care in foundational relationships in childhood.

Unarguably, the quality of attention children receive in childhood places a powerful imprint on the incessant internal dialogue they will repeat to themselves as they form an identity and strategy for living. A neglected child might become the adult whose internal dialogue incessantly reminds them that they are not worthy to live other than to serve the needs of others and that they should be grateful that they are even tolerated by others.

The overly valued child might constantly be reminded by their internal dialogue that they are superior, really of royalty, entitled to the adoration and respect of the mere mortals that surround them.

The Shamans of Ancient Mexico would argue that the true culprit here is the internal dialogue itself that channels our energy into defining and upholding our self importance, good or bad, for the better part of our lives. Rather than focus on challenging the message of the internal dialogue those shamans encourage eliminating the dialogue itself, which then frees our energy to explore our true innate potential, unbiased by the judgements that usually limit our sense of self.

From this perspective there is no advantage to having had a special versus neglected childhood. Either way we are saddled with the limiting judgements that steal away our vital energy for life. The real culprit is the internal dialogue, the true dungeon master of our lives. Rich and poor alike are saddled with the same enslavement. In fact, it could be argued that a neglected childhood may offer the advantage of seeking versus merely indulging in life.

The question of specialness is at the forefront of our current world fixation. Our world leaders express entitlement for their special interests and needs over and above the needs of others. Truthfully, persons of different cultures and religions share the same attachment to their own specialness over the needs of competing or just plain other groups.

Family, the foundation of a society, is perhaps the greatest perpetrator of specialness. “Blood is thicker than water” is the adage that summarizes this fixation of the internal dialogue. The Shamans of Ancient Mexico considered it crucial to break this fixation in order to free the trapped energy spent upholding it, to then have it available to be employed in the full realization of selfhood beyond the border of specialness.

Their methods to achieve this coup may sound severe, but they actually coalesce with the Buddhist practice of detachment. The shamans call their practice “erasing personal history.” The practice is to separate the special significance afforded family and loved ones, merely because of their family ranking and role, as well as to reduce emotional attachments. While not denying any of the truths of these relationships, the goal is to reduce them to the level of all human experiences, all entitlements removed.

Thus if someone has failed me, I fully face my feelings, but by removing the pressure of my entitlement, due to familial bonds, I am freed to see all my family and neighbors equally. A world where all is viewed equally is the template for the world we are evolving into, despite current appearances!

Freedom from the constraint of specialness is the practice that readies us for a world built on true universal love. Override the internal dialogue that creates hierarchy and special groupings with universal compassion for all beings.

Love liberates,

Chuck

Chuck’s Place: From Specialness To Super Love

One of our animal co-inhabitants... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
One of our animal co-inhabitants…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

What distinguishes us from our animal co-inhabitants on this planet is ego. Animals live and limit their lives through their neatly defined instincts, which tell them when it’s time to eat, procreate, and defend, and when it’s time to turn off those instinctive drives. Animals don’t overeat, overpopulate, or over defend.

In contrast, the human animal, burdened with the added instinct of ego, must contend with the ego’s instinct to exert its power over the other basic instincts, as well as obtain a high level of validation from others as to its value, lovability, and importance.

Being the newest instinct on the evolutionary block, ego suffers from a basic immaturity in self-regulation and a deep insecurity as to its true worth as it takes up its place among the older, more well-established instincts housed in the human body.

The ego longs to feel special in an effort to override its deep uncertainty over its ability to manage the personality, the body, and the overall direction of its human life. Its insatiable need for validation draws it to seek constant attention from the world to assure it of its worth and desirability.

In fact, what we call love, co-opted by ego, is often an attempt to fill this deep hole of insecurity with a sense of specialness mirrored through the attention obtained through a partner. In fact, ego considers it its inalienable, birth-given right to feel special. The ego’s litmus test for true love is the ability of another to make it feel special.

Often the ego gives with the hidden motive of being validated for its “selflessness,” as well as to be given to in return. Carlos Castaneda never tired of pointing out this merchant mentality underlying our definition of love. He challenged us to consider that true love was a blank check, given not from a place of codependency but from a purely loving place, no strings attached.

Robert Monroe defined this refinement of love as Super Love (SL). He writes: “SL is a continuous radiation, totally nondependent upon like reception or any other form of return whatsoever. SL is.”

Super Moon Love... - Photo by Jan Ketchel
Super Moon Love…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

Monroe learned, during his many explorations of life beyond the body, that SL is an energy that exists throughout the dimensions, beyond life in this world.

However, life in this world offers one of the best places to access and refine SL, through the experiential evolutionary learning opportunities available through our many incarnations in this world.

The raw material of Super Love is to be found in the nurturing, sexual, romantic, and dependent relationships we long for and experience in our many lives and roles in this world.

The utter necessity for emotional attachment to begin life and to thrive in this world, coupled with the ego’s long path to maturity as it grapples with its identity and value, causes it to grasp for love with its brand of specialness for many lifetimes.

Ultimately, the insatiability of its quest and the emptiness of its fulfillment set the stage for the ego to come clean and admit the difference between its neediness and true Super Love.

Once this is realized, the ego it also ready to realize that the latent energy of SL has been veiled behind its quest for specialness all along. Ego comes to understand that attachment is really an attempt to solve its insecurities and that being special has really been all about assuaging those insecurities.

Once ego is ready to give up its ventures in specialness it gains access to the radiance of Super Love.

What it's all about... - Art & Photo by Jan Ketchel
What it’s all about…
– Art & Photo by Jan Ketchel

Super Love is totally detached from specialness and reciprocity. Super Love is. It radiates. It isn’t offended. It encompasses all.

We all have it. We all are it. And if we are here, we are also deeply engaged in the process of refining it.

SL,

Chuck

Quote from Robert Monroe, Far Journeys, p. 257.