Chuck’s Place: Can’t Find Me Love

Too pretty…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

The truth is, we all suffer from an inferiority complex. Those we admire and aspire to be like either hide their’s really well or have truly come to embrace it.

And what is an inferiority complex?

Most of us could start with our bodies: too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat, too big, too small, too much, too little, etc.

Then of course there are our moral shortcomings: too lazy, too shy, undisciplined, unfocused, deceitful, lustful, jealous, power-driven, power-avoidant, self-centered, etc., to say nothing of all our bad habits!

Then there are the workings of our minds: can’t think, can’t feel, can’t be in our body senses, can’t imagine, can’t remember, etc.

Beyond all this there are the warehouses of all the terrible things we’ve thought, felt, and done in our lives. These are the sins of confessions, the personal inventory, all that we seek to forget or blot out from the true history of our lives.

The law of attraction coaches us to become singleminded in our intentions, to draw to us that which we wish to manifest. Of course, there is practical wisdom in this guidance, as prayer and mantra throughout the ages bear witness to. However, no one can manifest real love until they can acknowledge and love their own inferiority, every last bit of it.

Often we seek, in the eyes and hearts of another, a savior to free us from the prison of our inferiority. During the initial spell of blissful romance all inferiority disappears, becomes cute, or simply doesn’t matter. We glimpse the wholeness of complete self-acceptance in the blissful oneness with another. Through this fullness of acceptance we desperately seek to lift the ever-looming feeling of inferiority that nonetheless lurks in the background, stealthily waiting to attack and destroy any sign of loving acceptance of the self.

Those who briefly feel the relief of another’s love assuaging the ever-present disappointment in self, soon discover a compulsive need for constant outer reassurance. Or they simply decide that they’ve merely fooled the other person, for they simply cannot believe that that other person accepts their inferiority.

C. G. Jung was adamant that we must find compassion for the imperfect person, the monster, the eternal skeleton in the cupboard, the ugliest part of ourselves.

He himself could not stand to lose a game. He was notorious for cheating at both simple card games and more elaborate games he’d invent and play with his children. He had an affair with an unofficial second wife for decades with his wife’s full knowledge and painful acceptance. He overtly accepted and included his inferior shadow self into his life, knowing that to ignore it would be a bigger disaster. He also fully bore the tension his decisions created and, in advanced years, was able to admit to finally feeling great pain for the pain his inferior side had created for his wife. He could accept his imperfect self.

True wholeness requires that we accept all of our inferiorities, like the body parts we try so hard to hide. Perhaps it would do us animals well to spend some time in a nudist colony, to overcome our shame of our unacceptable body parts!

Too scared…
– Photo by Jan Ketchel

In the deepest sense, love is acceptance of all that we are. We will not be able to find true, soulful love until we can fully accept all of ourselves. Until then we will secretly harbor unlovability, endlessly swamped in the mire of our inferiority complexes.

Accepting our inferiorities puts us on the path to manifest true love, within and without.



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