Tag Archives: inner work

A Day in a Life: Facing Fear

I am finally getting time to sit and write about a recent experience of inner work around a particular fear issue. The process unfolded quite nicely and I thought it might be helpful to show the myriad ways that the people in our lives, circumstances, and our guides challenge and show us what we need, asked for or otherwise.

My week began with a question from someone else, through Chuck, suggesting that I might channel Jeanne for information on the whereabouts of a particular person. Now, normally, when I am asked to channel for another person I am immediately faced with doubt and concern that I will not be able to do it and the person will be utterly disappointed. This happens all the time as my first reaction. Generally, I push away my fear and go ahead with the channeling, and thus far no one has been even the tiniest bit disappointed, in fact, quite the opposite. You would think this would help me in my indecision and doubt, along with the fact that this website is largely based on the fact that I channel, which I do often and thoroughly, receiving quite incredible information and guidance. But alas, I still have to face my utter black fear, which quickly turns to anger, at being placed in the position of being asked to participate in something not of my own design. This is very old stuff for me, going back to my childhood when I was sexually abused, forced into experiences that led to not only a total lack of control and loss of self, but having to endure the commands of a madman. Although I have done a complete recapitulation of my experiences, the deepest fears reappear in very subtle ways. And yes, I can push them aside in order to function and do as I am requested, because I really do want to accept the channeling challenge, but when I elect to go deeper and sift through my inner reactions and get clarity I also find resolution and, in turn, I subtly change and grow. It can be a slow and painful process, but it is also extremely gratifying. My challenge is to accept this new me, the one who channels, and find ways to not just include her in my life, but allow her to lead me where I am going next.

There is a field I pass by everyday and as I turn the corner I generally look out over the expanse of field towards the mountains in the distance and the open sky. The other day as I turned the corner and drove alongside the field, I noticed a deer sitting in the field, quite a distance in from the road. She was sitting straight up, looking back toward the road, an almost wistful gesture in her elegant pose. I wondered at the strangeness of this deer quietly sitting in the middle of the snow covered field on this bitterly cold day. When I returned several hours later on my way home I noticed she was still sitting there, in the exact same posture. Then it dawned on me that she must be dead. I was flooded with emotion, feeling such sadness for this creature, wondering about her end. Most likely she had been hit by a car and staggered to her resting place. Perhaps she was gazing back toward the road trying to figure out what had just happened. Perhaps she was taking in the damage to her legs that had given out beneath her. Perhaps she was facing her fear, turning to replay, recapitulate the incident that was causing her death. Perhaps she bravely and stoically sat up as death overtook her, knowing that she was passing into new life, afraid or unafraid, she was going anyway. Four days later she still sits there, frozen in the pose of recapitulation, still looking back, but definitely having moved on.

What is the meaning of this frozen deer in the field? Why did I notice her on the same day that I attended to my own nagging fear? What am I supposed to learn from her regal acceptance of her destiny, chosen or otherwise?

I began to look more closely at my reaction to being asked, on the spot, to channel. What am I afraid of? Failure? The request came quite gently, though I heard it as commanding, almost as if Chuck had said: Do this channeling or else! But the request was very delicately presented. Of course, I should have complied, but I was immediately dealing with a whole host of my own inner issues and conflicts. When I channeled Jeanne on Monday morning as usual, I gained some clarity in her Message #635. I knew I had to confront my own fears around being snatched out of my comfort zone and made uncomfortable by the demands of another. I decided to follow up what Jeanne had suggested in her message by opening The Red Book to see what Jung had to say about the issue. On page 303 this is what I saw as synchronistically significant:

“He who has the luck and misfortune of a particular talent falls prey to believing that he has a gift. Hence he is also often its fool. A special gift is something outside of me. I am not the same as it. The nature of the gift has nothing to do with the nature of the man who carries it. It often even lives at the expense of the bearer’s character. His character is marked by the disadvantage of his gift, indeed even through its opposite. Consequently he is never at the height of his gift but always beneath it. If he accepts his other he becomes capable of bearing his gift without disadvantage. But if he only wants to live in his gift and consequently rejects his other, he oversteps the mark, since the essence of his gift is extrahuman and a natural phenomenon, which he in reality is not. All the world sees his error, and he becomes the victim of its mockery. Then he says that others mock him, while it is only the disregard of his other that makes him ridiculous.”

I interpret this that a natural gift, such as channeling, should not be attached to my ego, but simply accepted as natural or I can be destroyed by it. In order to truly use this gift I must do my inner work around my fear and doubt of being a failure too, especially since I cannot truly attach to this gift. It does not belong to me, or to anyone. In order to get to a place of really flowing in my life, accepting what I am afforded to evolve, as Jeanne suggests: I must acquiesce to the inevitable without fear. I am not special, so why do I feel that I can reject a request to channel? It is natural, not a special ability, nor one to be afraid of, but one to acquiesce to. It has nothing to do with me. If I cannot allow for this truth I am caught in ego, deflated or otherwise, and subject to judgments by self and others. If I can become egoless, through more inner work, I will be able to truly channel. Fear is attached to ego and that is what I am fighting. Ego is constantly trying to reestablish its dominance and reassert itself as all-knowing, but this kind of knowing is false knowing.

Next, I turned to my Tarot cards around this issue of ego self and my feeble attempts to tap into the natural flow. Am I right that I must get beyond ego to accept that I am nothing except energy and as energy I have access to all knowledge, but I can only truly achieve this if I let go of fear, without ego’s constant demands? I shuffle the deck and pull one card, the one that feels right as I place the deck over my heart center. I pull the 9 of Disks, Gain, and the first thing I read is: hitting the mark, the bull’s eye. I immediately accept this in answer to my question; I am on the right track. Even though other insights are offered I take my question next to the I Ching and ask: Did I hit the mark in my assessment of my ego/energy dilemmas?

The I Ching answers with hexagram 40, Deliverance, with a moving line, six in the third place. I am in a good place, the burdens have been removed, resolved, and eased, but ego brings misfortune! My fear come like thieves to steal my jewels, my ability. I have them as a natural gift, but I must use them appropriately, or not. I fell into childhood fears. The catastrophe of doubt resulted in my falling into the hands of thieves, my old fears. When I am in a good place there is no ego interference, inflated or deflated, and I am truly a channel, freed of fear, pure energy, the two Me’s in balance. This hexagram turns into Duration in the future, perseverance furthers. So if I can work on my issues related to letting go of ego, which in this case are feelings of doubt and failure, I may be in this for the long run. This leads me to recall my horoscope for this year as written by Eric Francis for Chronogram magazine and Planet Waves. I am a Cancer and it clearly states my ultimate dilemma, my inferiority and low self-esteem issues and how to achieve balance with ego so I am not sabotaged by either.

So, in the end I have learned that I must maintain my self-confidence and let go to the energy of what is natural, which is channeling. I don’t own this; it is not my ability to own. I have access to it, but at the same time it forces me to confront my issues of low self-confidence and my inner fears, which are all tied in to my early experiences. Can I continue to face my innermost fears, however subtly or brutally they approach me? Can I look back as the dying deer obviously looked back and still move forward where the energy is taking me, as she did? Can we all?

Thanks for reading. Perhaps this has offered an insight into one way of tackling the inner process, which, depending on the energy of each day, unfolds in so many ways. What I find most often is that, at the end of the day, no matter how many oracles I ask, the one that I must always return to exists inside myself.
Happy Inner Work!

#636 Using the Energy of Fear

Jeanne Marie Ketchel
Channeled by Jan Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
I would like to continue questioning you for guidance around the subject of fear. Often, in my attempts to get beyond my fears, I simply push them away by commanding myself to: Get over it! This can work quite well as a release from being stuck, but I find that if I am not quite done with a particular issue it will return and pursue me until I look at it more closely. I will blog later about the inner process of closer examination of a particularly obstinate fear of mine, but for now I’d like to ask you, Jeanne, to address the subject. How do we know when we are done with a particular fear and that it is appropriate to push it away, rather than stay with it and do deeper work?

Inner work requires great patience. It requires an underlying desire to discover the truths of the self. It requires facing not only your fears, but everything and everybody attached to those fears. Fears are set up to allow for a process of growth to take place. This is an evolutionary purpose. In contrast, they are also set up as blockages to evolutionary growth, true challenges to your awakening spirit.

My first question to you in return, Jan, is: Are you truly ready to take the awakening journey? In asking the self this question each day you may reassert your self upon a spiritual path. I ascertain, as you know, that this spiritual path leads innerly, is reflected by life outside of you, but is mostly presented by what already exists inside of you, in your fears, your dreams, your personality, your characteristics of ego self and inner self. In order to continually confront your fears, you must continually reassert your self upon this inner spiritual journey.

Now, to return to your question regarding fear as a tool, I suggest that if you think of your fear, as I have already suggested, as your companion, you will always find your way to your inner self. Your inner self sits behind the door that your fear points out as the next one to open and venture into. What feelings and emotions do your fears present you with? How does your physical body react to your fear? What does your heart say about it? What does your inner child say about it?

When you push your fear away, when you elect to slam the door shut, walk past it, or turn and run from it, who is making that decision? Is it your knowing adult, your big baby, your evolving spirit self, or your unknowing inner child self? Who is making the decisions, and for what reasons? You may attempt to fool your self but, as you already know, that may only be a temporary thwarting of the necessary process. You may postpone your inner work, but believe me, it will return again to prod you into noticing that you are not as done with an issue as you thought.

Your mind is always ready to act on the behalf of your fear. It is always ready to trick you into complacency and comfort, into feeling inflated, into pretending that you are quite all right. In this manner it plays along with your fear, allowing it to sneak in again and find the prefect hiding place so that it may jump out and scare you again. The mind is not the place to fight your fear, but it comes in handy if you connect it to your inner process, with openness, and truthfully, so that it may empty of its usual talk and allow your heart-centered talk to fill its cavernous chambers. In letting go of the mind, in refusing to listen to the old lies and refrains, you allow your fear to lead you deeper into your other self: your psyche, and the mysteries of the inner you. In allowing your mind to work hand in hand with your fear, so that you arrive on the brink of an old place, you are offered the opportunity to once again face what is waiting beyond the brink. The brink represents your controls, the mechanisms you have previously set up to avoid facing your fears.

So, to return to your question, you must also ask your self to dismantle all of your old controls, your repetitive behaviors and habits of avoidance: your refusal, hiding, running, pretending, and even perhaps the pains and sorrows that may have become your traveling companions. In refusing to play the old games you must bear the tension of what lies beyond the door of fear and, as you stand on the brink of the darkness beyond, you must accept that you are going to step into the unknown self now, into a deeper self who has been waiting a long time for you to discover that your darkness will lead you to your light.

In facing your fears, again and again, you will discover something new about the self. You will achieve a moment of enlightenment. You will find a truth that you could not have found otherwise, and you will learn something that you need in order to advance. This is how you will know if you are done with your fears. It will only be appropriate to turn away, to push away, or to walk away from your fears when they are no longer fearful episodes, emotions, feelings, encounters, or anything that previously held you caught or blocked. Until it no longer holds any energy for you, fear will remain as your teacher. When you have learned your lesson that particular fear will no longer appear as your guide. Does this make sense?

Yes. You are saying, in effect, that to command ourselves to get over it is, in fact, rejecting our inner work. If we were done with an issue we wouldn’t be faced with the fear again to begin with, right?

Yes, you will no longer be faced with a fear if you have completed your deeper inner work around it. Of course, a new fear will appear to lead you even deeper, but you will have gained new ground, and you will be ready for this next challenge. You see, fear will always be present. It has to be, for otherwise you would not have opportunities to keep evolving.

Thank you for this guidance. It helps a lot. I am going to continue with this line of questioning in our next channeling session because more questions are arising, but I have to stop now.

#635 Fear is Your Greatest Guide

Jeanne Marie Ketchel
Channeled by Jan Ketchel

Dear Jeanne,
We continue to learn, no matter how often we think we get it, to acquiesce, accept, detach, and flow with what life presents. It seems that our lessons and tests never cease. I think fear is what challenges most of us most often. This is perhaps our biggest block to really flowing and evolving. How many times do we have to confront our fears before we truly flow in our lives?

My Dear One, you will always be confronted with fear, for it is your guide showing you where to go next. Fear shows you where you must find your next direction and it shows you where your challenges lie.

Our response, most often, is to run and hide from our fears, to protect ourselves from that which scares us.

That is an automatic response, developed as a protective measure, as you state, honed from the beginning of life when in a state of awakening to the world. As children you are unsure of the world, taught by others to fear much in life and forced to conform to set ideas of the meaning of existence. With new awareness and deeper understanding of the true meaning of your existence upon that earth you may grant your self permission to question your old reactions to that world as well. In gaining a new perspective on life, as you age and allow your self to evolve, you grant your self permission to embrace new possibilities that have not previously been allowed entry into your knowing.

For instance, I give guidance surrounding the possibility of all life being in natural flow. I offer you the opportunity to allow your self to be guided by this flow of life, learning to read the signs pointing out your direction, facing the options and dilemmas coming your way by understanding resonance and by paying attention to the deeper inner challenges. These challenges are often based in old fears. Today, I propose that you look at the challenges in your life as just that, old fears.

Do your inner work today around the possibility that you have carried your fears for a long time, from early childhood and perhaps even for many lives. Consider that until you face them and acknowledge them as your challenges to be reckoned with, they will continue to confront you, causing you to stumble, to turn from a new path, and to sit down upon your path, defeated once again.

In order to advance, to change, to gain in awareness, and to be able to accept guidance one must continually confront the fears that arise. You may be afraid of change, but it is not enough to simply know this fact. It is far better to understand how this fear of change has manifested so that you may remove it. Is your fear truly a big wall or is it an illusion of a big wall? Is your fear a wide uncrossable river or is it a figment of your imagination? Is your fear a reality or is it an untruth long carried, originally placed on you by another?

In order to challenge your self to confront your fears you must dive down to the source of those fears. You must dismantle them from a new fresh adult perspective, from your place of evolutionary growth, with a full understanding of why you are on this journey, clearly aware that your life is full of meaning, purpose, guidance, and the possibility to keep evolving. Your fearful self is showing you where you need to go next. And that kind of challenge will always be present.

Fear may appear as your greatest enemy, but it is equally your greatest guide. Take that into your day and work with it, two companions, two innocents on a journey of discovery, searching for the truth of the self so that the greater mysteries of life may continually be revealed.

Do not be afraid of your fear. Embrace it for what it truly is: the next sign guiding you on your journey! Good Luck!

#3 Time of Lull

Dear Jeanne,
Do you have a short message for humanity today?

Now in this time of quiet and lull reflect and prepare the self for the journey ahead. There is now a time of self-reflection that is pertinent, important, and crucial, not only for the self and the personal journey, but also for the world’s journey. For this is a time of grand transition, of flux, and of change like no other. To become cognizant of this approaching phenomenon is to be given a gift. To be assigned a role in this is also a gift. I encourage all of you to begin to take on the task of becoming part of this grand transition by becoming whole and enabled by your own spirit.

As I continually say, it is the duty of the individual to take on the charge of self-discovery and self-truth and in this manner be able to guide not only the journey of the self, but be a beacon for others also ready to transition. By this I mean, become ready to understand the greater picture of the reality of life on earth as only a small aspect of life, and reality as existing on many planes.

There are ahead of all of you many experiences in life, both there on earth as you discover your direction, your true direction, as you trust your knowing spirit, and as you trust the guidance you are given. Allow for growth at all times. Do not be afraid to explore your own truths that will point you in the direction you need to go. Allow yourselves access to others upon similar journeys, aware also of continued life, connection now, and also eager to learn more.

This is what my mission encourages, it encourages exploration and discovery and acknowledgment of possibility. I welcome you all into such possibility with new awareness of your own place in the world as having not only importance, but impact. For even in your daily energy do you affect and have impact in that world, and as you gain confidence in your learning and in your discoveries of your own journey so will you have even greater openness and clarity of what I speak of.

Begin now a new life of discovery. Go unafraid into your own life with open eyes and open hearing, and begin to see the world, not as your enemy, but as your trusty learning ground where you are being given every gift possible. You just have to become aware and experience all that truly exists there.

I am happy to begin to see the stirrings of the awareness on a larger scale as many are given permission now, through their own daring, to access not only what I speak of, but what truly resonates within.

Look now forward to life on a greater scale, for even as you go in and do your always necessary inner work, purifying your past, so that your present may be unencumbered, so do you find that you will go also out into the world more openly and with greater appreciation of your own journey; a journey that discovers your own deepness, but also your own expansiveness, as well.

I advise all to take quiet each day, even if just for a few seconds at a time, to establish inner quiet and inner balance, and in this manner retain your good position so that your journey may flow well and your awareness grow. All of this is good.